More WHa-zUP!!! (The Incident at the Not-OK Corral)

Stole my daddy’s truck for a bit. Guess I borrowed it….
Brought it back….
When the gas light came on.
I wonder just how much gas that little light uses? Can’t be all that much….

Well… anyway… took the band out for dinner….
The North-by-Northwest Jones County Burnin’ Man Butt Stompers, too….
Couldn’t decide whether we wanted Church’s or Popeye’s…. Then someone spoke up with a decided preference….
Extra Crispy KFC….
Claimed we had to visit the Colonel… because it would be advertizing….

So… we dropped Homeboy Extra Crispy KFC off…. And let him walk home….

Well… we decided to go to Golden Corral…. Almost all of us did anyway….

Well…. Something happened while we were there… bellied up at the all you can eat bar… of course….

Cousin No Mon-AY! No Mo’ climbed out of the bed of my daddy’s pick’em’up truck… and walked up to the Drive-in Window at the Wendell’s Burger across the All Night Truck Stop parking lot from the place….
The waitress was nice. I guess she’s a waitress. She had waitress black hair….
Anyway… she was nice…. She said: “Hun… you didn’t even place yer order yet!”
No Mon-AY! No Mo’ just smiled. A BIG smile. Showed her his tooth.
And he said: “I don’t need no order. I just need a dozen packets of dem crackers and a dozen packets of catchup. For now….”

Then Mo’s Li’l Sista Baby G or Baby Girl Boo… or Baby Girl Boo-tAY! as she now prefers to call herself… heard some kind of thump-thump-thumpin’ a-WHUMP-a-WHUMP-a-WHUMP sounding racket… and almost fell off of her platform sneakers… because somebody’s car was just a bouncing up and down… and a bunch of clowns had their heads out the window making all kind of disturbance of the peace all up behind Cousin No Mon-AY! No Mo’… who by that time had grabbed his crackers and catchup and was walking through the door into the dining area.

Baby Girl Boo-tAY! shouted at him… when she could catch her breaths: “Hey, Mo’… dem low-ridin’ Homeys ‘z slow-ridin’ an’ callin’ yo’ name!”
Mo’ kinda casually glanced through the Drive-in Window, shrugged his shoulders and replied: “Nah…. They’s lookin’ for some other Mo’ whose las’ name starts wiff “F”…. I thinks he’s Muslim cuz his name’s got a bunch of “u”s an’ “q”s in it…. Or… maybe he’s Cajun…. One those Cajun Mo’ Fuquas…. Ya’ll know dem Fuquas, don’cha? Dem Cajuns sho have funny names, don day?”

Yeah. Cajuns sure do have funny names. Like Herbert pronounced “AY-bear!”
That used to just confuse the HE-alth outta me.
“I see Herbert!”
“Whar?”
“Over THAR!!!”
“That ain’t no bar, Cousin Klum Z! That’s just that hairy Old Man Herbert.”

Anyway…. I don’t think that man was Mo’ Fuqua…. I don’t think he was shouting at Muslims… or Cajuns….
I think that was Busta Boom-Boom… and Mo’… just got LUCKY!!!

Confessions & Stagnant Ideas

by Verruca Vulgaris
05 May 2015

First off… Feliz Cinco de Mayo!
That’s not really a confession.

I don’t consider myself a poet.
If someone identifies me as one, I will flat out deny it.
Why?
Because writing poetry is HARD work! Very hard!
And… because I’m lazy….
I don’t like to work. I don’t enjoy work. I enjoy when projects flow. When I don’t have to even think….
When I have to rush to keep up with the flow of ideas….
Poetry really ain’t like that. At least not for me….
I don’t like to struggle. To sit… and think… about a word…. The right word…. The ONLY word….
Because there are an awful lot of words….
Writing songs is easy. Writing poetry is hard. Unless maybe you’re some kind of poetic genius… like Pablo Neruda….

Here are some ideas of phrases that seem to me like they should go together, but I can’t get them to immediately fit. I present them for your perusal in no particular order….

pistol whippin’ out and in, but… oh, so mechanically….

Driving in circle jerking like he was freaking jacking Jennie….

I ain’t no poopy Commie, Ninnie!

I ain’t got time to waste to whip that silly little Picadilly!

“Blankety-blank blankety-blank you blank blank blanking Hillbilly!”

They ALL sound like money to me. Why can’t I get them to fit together?

Might even make an adequately silly little love song….

But… moving on… beyond that disappointment….

I had an couple of ideas for a couple of songs. All I’ve got are ideas for the titles…..

(Our Love is Like a) Rodeo Clown Car (Trapped in Traffic), and…

Cowboy Solitaire (Confessions to my Therapist)… which is about a lonely cowboy… who cheats at cards….

Oh, well….
Not sure anything will ever come of any of this….
Added 1,000 words to a not-so-short Fantasy story I’ve been working on yesterday. It’s up to 9,000 words… and still growing…. That one’s called Dog Boy….
Worked on various other projects….
Can’t ever seem to get caught up….

It’s almost like… WORKING!!!