05 May 2015 1515-
06 May 2015 0900-1040
Everybody step back now….
Cuz I’m ’bout to be Freestylin’….
I was kickin’ it pretty hard when I hit that Mason-Dixon Line;
Had the pedal to the metal and I was makin’ good time.
I had some funky blues a blastin’ and I was diggin’ the groove….
You know… that kind of funky music that makes you feel like you’ve GOT to move….
When I copped those blue lights flashin’ and started thinking: Oh, NO!!!
I saw him rearrange that big pistol as he came sidlin’ up slow
When he scowled at my orange fuzzy dice, I kinda thought I was dead.
He stuck his head in window… and took a whiff… and this is what he said….
“Well… Boy… you must think you’re moving kind fast… but I just want you to know…
If you’re headed home to Mississippi… Homeboy… then you’re driving way too SLOW!!!
Well, now I’m cruisin’ down this dirt road in my pick’em-up-truck
Tryin’ to pass this tractor, but I ain’t havin’ much luck….
I run into my Homey… shiny grill and all that… BLING!!!
Just had to ask… Hey, Bro… mind if I hook my T.V. set up to that thing…?
He yelled “You’re totes cra-cra!”, but he spoke with a… TWANG!!!
Backed that up with: “It ain’t no thang but a chicken wang….”
And… I’m kinda thinking to myself this Juggalo Posse Clown’s InSANE!
Cuz down here in Mississippi we eat the whole fryin’ THANG!!!
(LOOK OUT!!! Fresh edits below….)
Well, I was chokin’ my chicken… you know… wringing its neck…
When Little Susan broke hers… OFF… and that bad bird hit the deck….
She still had that chicks head in her hand when all that meat hit the floor…
Then jumped up jerkin’ and twerkin’ like Miley showing off her what-for….
That chick was wavin’ her wangs and shakin’ her boo-TAY!!!
Blood spurtin’ out of her neck like some kinda headless ZOM-BAY!!!
Well… we kinda freaked out… and we all ran and hid….
And our parents all laughed at our screaming, but we were all just kids….
And I know what you’re thinkin’…. I know you just wanna rant…
But it wasn’t like that at all! It was a church event.
(And yeah…. It REALLY happened….
A Mississippi Homegirl Throwdown….)